I'll start this with Wiki's definition of Cult because this year, I believe in the cult of derby:
The word cult pejoratively refers to a group whose beliefs or practices are considered abnormal or bizarre.[1] The word originally denoted a system of ritual practices. The narrower, derogatory sense of the word is a product of the 20th century, especially since the 1980s, and is considered subjective. It is also a result of the anti-cult movement which uses the word in reference to groups seen as authoritarian, exploitative and that are believed to use dangerous rituals or mind control. The word implies a group which is a minority in a given society.
So, I was informed from a mutual friend, that one of my closest friends can't stand roller derby, my roller derby friends, me talking about derby...and all things in the middle that involve me and well...DERBY.
I get it. Years ago when I had to tell my father that I was a lesbian, he forbid me to talk about my "lifestyle" around him or in his house. That was 2001, I haven't spoken to him since. I am not loud and biosturous...I will never be the one to make the scene. But I will not be asked NOT to talk about the things that I love and that dominate most of my life. Back then it was a girl named Caroline, now it is a game named Roller Derby. Pioneer Valley Roller Derby to be exact.
So when my 7 year friend "Betty" tells another of our friends (who loves derby) all about how she won't support me and avoids it like the plague. It just gets to me.
Really people.If you are derby players...you know the game. After the first year, it sucks a little bit of your soul every day until it can officially claim you as it's bitch after your first full season.
My first season I came in with excellent skate skills but no derby knowledge. But I still rostered every game but the first. I have traveled and came a long way since the last season from being the one that got to sit out if another player was in the box...to this season, being the one that really needs to stay in. (just so you know, It almost makes me pee my pants when I know I get considered one of our A team players. Bustin' my ass to keep it that way) .
But, this rant isn't just about me.This is about the "derby widows". The friends that get left behind when the Cult of Derby takes you as it's own. I have a lot of friends that say "oh, it's off season we get you back to hang out again!" well, sadly we practice year round. I miss those friends. They still love me but have developed lives without me. Again, sad.
And I know I am not the only one.
Please share your stories with me. I KNOW I am not alone.
Please don't get me wrong. I love all of the friends that have been given my way in life. Derby puts a stress on lots of relationships. If I wasn't dating a rollergirl it would be much worse!!!
So, Please, to make me feel more nomal...share your stories with me. I know you have got them!!!
What I want to know from you are your stories about losing friends, making up with friends, getting your friends to finallly join our cult
One roller girls adventures in the sport she just can't get enough of.
Hey sweetheart.
ReplyDeleteI was a derby widow for many months before joining the cult myself to ref... and now I have even fewer free weekends than the person I joined for.
People may disagree with me but I think the sad truth is that everyone has a derby "shelf life" and you have to put your all into the sport until you can't anymore. We all do derby because we love it. Hopefully the people in our lives can understand that.
i could never use a perjorative term to describe derby, even though it does insinuate itself onto every crevice of your life - lol :) i see it a family - big siblings to guide, little siblings to teach, folks to beat up on and drink with and have a laugh and nurse an ouch. then again, i'm really lucky - those near and dear to me have done nothing but praise this crazy sport and its community and each of those people appreciate the strength and health and confidence it has given me. i found derby when a lot of my contemporaries were starting the marriage/kids journey, which is probably why i have the "family" association... i share track anecdotes instead of the pottysaga or the story of the big boy bed :D
ReplyDeleteI've been slowly recapturing my "old life" over the past year. I'm not done with derby by any means but am not as captivated as I used to be. Adam has been a tolerant derby widower over the years....probably realizing that there would be a "shelf life" like Alex mentioned. I don't think I drove any friends away....I've always been bad at keeping in touch with long distance friends anyway. They know that and it's not a big deal (for most of them). The relationships that I've developed and the family I've gained from derby have changed my life. I've met the most extraordinary people and developed friendships that will last a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't change that for the world.